Sunday, October 3, 2010

Volume 5: Moral Dissonance

Moral Dissonance
by Steven Ormosi

The street seemed very quiet these days.  It had been two months since Abe had died.  Julia was in mourning, refusing to come outside and Jacob just sat at home for long stretches without doing anything but thinking.  He was the keeper of all the secrets now.  He was the guardian of Abe’s reputation and not only that, he knew things that could break this city down.  Jake and Abe, Abe and Jake, they’d always been a team.  Now, one stupid mistake and the entire weight of it was heaped onto Jacob's shoulders.  He had to stop thinking about this before he went crazy.

Jacob walked to Abe’s old place to check on Julia.  She hadn’t been eating.  He opened a can of tuna with his knife and made her eat with him.  She was silent the whole time.

After dinner he tried to make small talk with her.  “You should get outside, Jules.  It would do you good.”

“I’d rather stay in,” she said.

“Well at least try doing something.  You need to get your mind off of everything that’s happened.”

“I’m fine.” She said wearily.

Jacob sighed, “Alright, well I guess I should be getting back.  Are you ok here?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” she said.

He made his way towards the door, “Jake,” Julia stopped him.

“Yeah, Jules?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jules.  See you tomorrow.”

Jacob made his way towards the bazaar to trade for some food and supplies.  He really needed a few patches for his shirts.  When he arrived, there was a commotion at one of the stalls.  It looked like a few government officials were up front.

“What’s going on?”  He asked a woman standing nearby.

“They’re having a sign up for some damn fool scheme to go and explore what’s outside the walls.”

Jacob thanked her and pushed his way to the front.  There was a man in a suit speaking.

“…could be one of the most important explorations in the history of the world.  Whoever signs up will be joining the ranks of Christopher Columbus, Magellan, Sir Francis Drake.  We need volunteers with the skills to survive and the bravery to combat the unknown!”

There were protestors everywhere.

“You’ll lead them back in here!”

“You’re sending our citizens to a certain death!”

“The Zeds will be on them in no time, it’s a suicide mission!”

Jacob walked up to the booth.  “Where do I sign?”

For Jacob, it was a win-win situation.  He needed to get away for a bit.  To worry about something other than how he’d put a bullet in his best friend’s head.  If he lived, he’d be a hero to the people.  If he died, all his secrets died with him and then he didn’t have to shoulder their burden any more.  The only drawback was Julia, but he couldn’t look out for her forever, and the trips to see her had become increasingly frustrating of late.  She was slipping away and he was afraid he’d spiral out of control with her.  He’d have someone make sure she was eating while he was gone and hopefully, without him there, she’d be forced to come to grips with the situation she was in.  It was selfish of him, but he couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

He told her the next day.  He had expected her to be unaffected, but she was actually angry.  She showed real emotion for the first time since Abe had died.

“How can you do this to me, Jake?  I depend on you.  You’re the only good thing in my life.”

“They need people to help, Jules.  And to be honest, I didn’t think you ever cared whether I was here or not.  I’m going crazy here, thinking about…what happened.  Over and over and over again.  I need something different or I’m going to go nuts.”

“What about me, Jake?  I’m already nuts.  I know it.  You think I don’t realize what a lunatic I’ve become?
The realization is the worst part.  I’m a crazy old shut in lady who has one thing in life to cling to, and now that’s leaving me too.”

“I’m not leaving you.  Think of it as a business trip.  I’ll be back to bug you in no time.  It’s just going to be a couple weeks.”

“When are you leaving?” Julia asked.

“Not for ten more days.” Jacob responded.  “I’ve actually got to start making preparations for the trip.” He got up to go.

“Not today, Jake.  Please, just stay here with me today.”

He walked over and put his arm around her, “Ok, I’ll stay for a while, Jules.”

The next day, Jacob returned home to find someone waiting at his door.  It was a man, tallish and stately.  He looked a little nervous.

“Can I help you?”  Jacob asked.

“Are you Jacob?”

“I am.  And you are?”

“I’m uh…the mayor actually, Ed Jenkins.  I’m visiting to talk to you about what you’ve volunteered to do when you signed that paper yesterday.”

“Mr. Mayor, I’m sorry for being rude.  Please come in,” Jacob said, opening the door.

“Thank you.”

Once inside, Mayor Jenkins began, “I’ll make this brief, I’m sure you are preparing to leave.  I looked into your history, or whatever I could find of it.  What I found out was that you led twenty people here from a nearby town including your neighbor, Abe and his wife.  I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you.”

“I need someone who can be a leader for this group we’re sending out.  It seems you are the most qualified for the position.  I need you to keep everyone together.  There will be six of you out there.  You will meet your team later, but before we send you out, I want to make the situation very clear.  We will not be sending anyone out after you if you get into trouble.  There is no cavalry.  You will be on your own.  You’re going to have to think on your feet.  You’re going to have to make sure your squad is self sufficient.  I know it’s unforgiving out there, and you’ll have to take that into account as well.  Any humans you find are to be inspected for infection, then if they are found to be clean, they are to be given safe transport back here.  Any infected are to be either avoided, or if that is impossible, put down quickly and quietly.  Be sure you do not bring more of them back here to our walls.  We have enough already.  There will be a scientist with you.  His objective will be to observe any living or dead specimens in the wild and also to take note of the state of wildlife and the world outside the city.  This will absolutely not, in any way, be allowed to affect the safety of the team.  You are to make sure of it.  Listen, if you want out, now’s the time, after this, you are bound by law and your word to go and lead this team.  Are you up to it?”

“Yes, sir, I believe I am.”

“Good, and if it means anything, I believe you are too.  I will give you a more thorough briefing the day before you leave.  Thank you for your time, Jacob.”

“You’re welcome Mr. Mayor.  I’ll see you soon.”

“That you will.”

Jacob, let his new responsibilities sink in for a moment.  He was leading the team now.  He was responsible for the lives of five other people.  He took a walk.

When he arrived back, he was surprised to find himself not at his own house, but at Julia’s.  He opened the door and went inside.

“Hey, Jules,” he said into the silence.

She ran out of her room and hugged him.  It was the most excited he’d seen her since Abe had died. “Hey Jake, I was hoping I’d see you tonight.”

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“I don’t know, we just don’t have much time left.”

“You’re acting like I’m marching off to my death.”

“You’re acting like it’s a walk in the park.  The non-zombie-infested park.  Jake, what you’re doing is dangerous.  I’m scared that once you leave, I won’t ever see you again.  Or if I do, you’ll be one of them.”

She shuddered.

“I’ll be fine, Julia.  I have to come back here.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because if I didn’t, whoever Ed Jenkins has keeping an eye on you will go crazy, and I can’t have that on my conscience.”

Julia took a step towards Jacob, reached up and caressed his cheek.  She grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled his lips down to hers.

Jacob snapped back, startled.  “Jules, we can’t.  Abe...”

“Shut up,” she said, “I don’t want any regrets,” and pulled him back in.  He didn’t struggle again.

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