LAD Website Original: White Light, White Heat, White Noise

White Light, White Heat, White Noise
by Scott Thurlow

He had seen it all. Children eaten by parents, or vice versa. Couples clawing and devouring their better halves.  People hitting the bottle, or their surviving loved ones. Once, a local college worker who casually committed suicide out on the streets. But the thing he remembered the most, of all the things he saw, was the explosion, towards the beginning of the end. He recalled it most vividly, because he was one of the people responsible for it, initially.

It was back in the early confusing months, when there was a perceived notion (which was in retrospect more like a desperate ploy) that there might have been a chance at containment. The outbreak wasn't fully spread yet, and there was talk amongst the remaining various Powers-that-be that discretionary use of nuclear arms was a viable option. They only needed to convince themselves just enough that it could work, that it might just do the trick. These things always seemed to be a good idea, at the time.

He remembered being in the bunker, with the others, watching and waiting. Counting down the time before the moment of truth, and dread.

Somewhere in Europe:
“So, are you going to push that button, or not?”

“Why should I? Why not you?”

“Because if you don’t, we’re all going to die.”

“ Aren't we all going to die anyway?”

“Yes. Life itself will kill you. And me. And us all. But if you don’t push that god damned button right now, I will hasten the process!”

“Ok, ok!  I’ll do it.”  He looked up once more at the screens that displayed the unholy scenes unfolding in real time.  He closed his eyes, and pushed down, lightly, once.

“There. It’s done. Happy?”

“Yes, thank you. Now let us observe.”

In a split second after the button was pushed, a blinding light lit up the sky for miles. The landscape was obliterated in a flash. The screens went blank. He saw everything laid completely and irrevocably to waste.

 “You see. At least now we've contaminated some. They won’t be able to spread.”

“I think you mean contained. And yes, I feel so much better, now.”

They all awaited word from the rest of the Coalition. 

Five minutes later, he and every other person in the bunker sat in mute destitution. It didn't work. Now, the land was rendered barren and unusable for any survivors who found themselves having to live on, and off of it. There were billions more coming, on the way, or already there. 

What his former colleague had said, "Life will kill you," was as fitting presently as it was then. The difference was, now there were a lot more “Dead” who were capable of delivering the killing. Life after death was more uncertain than ever. He had certainly seen his share of both. But most of all so far, what he had seen were just endless mindless mistakes in the interim. 

Thoughtless failures, one after another, heaped on a pile of them that he had seen grow larger and larger.  Actions borne out of desperation and lack of foresight, each leading to increasing disaster. It seemed to be the only thing anyone was capable of doing anymore. The only thing he really saw, anyway. He wondered when the day would come that he grew sick of just seeing it. And finally make one of his own. 

He hoped that on that day, he would be able to see that brilliant light again. One more time, before he was finally, mercifully, unable to see anything more at all ever again.